Wish me Luck!!

My exams are starting this weekend.... Been wanting to wake up early every day... I do wake up actually... After the alarm goes off for like some gazillion times.... But once awake the bloody weather does not let me study!!! Why would anyone want to wake up at like 4 or 5 in the freaking morning when all you wanna do is curl back and sleep?!?!? Ah wel... My bloody exams :( .... And to top it my dad wants me to do M.Phil or Ph.D after this (after i convinced him I do not wan to be an IAS officer) I'm convinced he can either crack a joke with a extremely straight face or he doesn't know me at al and I'm adopted!!! I also missed a nice vacation for these exams!!! I better do wel...

Anyway... Point being... Wish me luck and pray I ace these exams! :)

Happy :D

:D I am Happy!!! Just generally happy!! No particular reason why.... And i realised that i haven't been happy in a long long time. Which made me ask myself what could be different now?! Why the happiness?! Wel..... I jus realised why.... The reason was mostly cos i dint let myself be happy. The eternal worrywart that I am... I was convinced I would never be happy for long and would definetely be plagued by some sort of bad luck to compensate for my every smile!!! I'm still worried.... But this time I cease to bother!! I wan to be happy....

:D

Random observation of self!

1. I am very scared of a lot of things in life. Quite the contrary to my bold / tough image
2. I am quite an irritating bag of bones. I end up irritating myself the most.
3. I hate crying. I especially hate crying in front of others.
4. I hate letting others know what I am thinking. Including my moods or opinions.
5. I have a little too many secrets with myself. Not dark ones or anything. But little little ones. Things that I would never tell anyone.
6. Not a single person in this world knows everything about me. Not one.
7. I am very insecure. About me, about my relationships, about everything around me.
8. I worry a lot. For absolutely no reason.
9. I am quite an un-emotional idiot. I think I came without that fitting. Manufacturing defect must be.
10. Actually that is not quite correct. I get hurt very easily. No one will know it but me though.
11. I have been wanting to live alone all my life. I don need people around me. I need my “ME” time.
12. Actually that is quite wrong. I need people around me.
13. I’m confused. All the time. I really don’t know what it is that I want. Or don’t want.
14. I’m scared of doctors. Have a feeling they are all out to cause pain and kill people. I would probably bear the pain than see a doctor.
15. I am very stubborn. Even if i know I shouldn't be doing somethin and if i make up my mind, I still end up doing it.
16. I hate hurting others. It sometimes makes me lie just to ensure they aren't hurt.
17. I am scared of laughing too much or just being too happy. I think it might retaliate and make me sad.
18. I hate my smile.
19. I love my friends and would do absolutely anything for them.
20. I decided to write this when i was at my all time high and then realised I really cannot boast much with these traits. So I am gonna decide to change a bit... Shall let you know how that goes very soon...

Ooops!! I did it again....

When I was a kid I knew I wanted to be an architect. I was one of those kids who had grown up seeing my dad bring home blue prints and images of huge huge houses, which looked quite fancy. So I decided that I’ll be one of those cool architects who’ll build a huge house and settle down. This was at a time when I dint know much. I grew up to figure out that I needed money to be able to BUY those kinda houses and that just cause I build them they’ll not become mine! Damn! Imagine shattering a small kid’s dreams. So I decided to read so much that anyone I’m working for will have to pay me a lot. That required me to do some actual STUDYING as such, and having seen the results of my report card I refused to dream further. So I decided to choose any field where I would not have to exactly study as such but still get paid pots and pots of money. [Yes, I had not given up my dream of that beautiful house] So I set my sights on some extra moolah earning no work doing jobs. Airline industry seemed a pretty easy option... That is till i heard bout wat exactly those pretty airhostess get upto... (Or so i heard) and that option also went down the drain... Whoosh.... My next option was to probably become famous somehow. Luckily i got into media line and also landed a job which involved a lot of talking (which came naturally) and yellin and gossiping etc... Sounded good... But i had to land in bad waters within 2 years... And i also realised that being famous has nothin to do with the amount of money one makes. Cos finally at the end of the day you still get paid only peanuts!! So i decided to not concentrate on the mansion in my mind and take up some work that i would like. Seems not too long an order one would think. Well mistaken... Cos i DO NOT know what i like. Its been almost 5 years since i started working and i never cease to bitch bout my co workers and my work!!! And somehow i feel this might continue.....

There was this one friend of mine who keeps remarking sayin i am never gonna find peace!!! Somehow i vaguely believe him.

The point of this blog is very simple... I still have not been able to decide what i want from my life.. And i want to know if I am the only one this way???!?

Why?!?!?!?

Ever felt like you are thinking about something but by the time you actually get around to thinking if you should be thinking that the moment passes and you wonder why you though of it?!?!? Then that makes you think that if you though of it, the possibility of you thinking it again is also plausible which brings the question why dint think of it before or did you actually think of it?!?! What made you think something that you thought you would not think when in all eventuality you should be thinking that?!?!?

I have completely lost it!!!!

I rest my case!!!

My Experiments with The Brush!!!

It was a lazy Sunday afternoon. All alone and completely jobless, I was bored out of my head with absolutely nothing to do. You know, the time when stupid thoughts enter your head? Well... that was when I decided I wanted to be another Leonardo! No No.... not the Ninja Turtles. No the Actor either. The all time great Artist Leonardo Da Vinci. So I scuttled off to the terrace with paint brushes and paint and canvas sheet in hand. I looked like an idiot all right and that is when my sister, 10 yrs younger to me, and the talent in my house (Yes yes.. I am the misfit) came running to save her stationary. After some begging & bribing she agreed to let me use her paints etc on strict conditions it be returned in one hour and not much should be wasted. (Grrrrrr... the disadvantage of being the innocent elder sister) Anyway, what was I saying??? Ah yes... so I decided to be a creative genius (I am not to be blamed here. I was misguided by comments like “such long fingers should brew creative thoughts.. blah blah” by random strangers)

Having decided that I shall be a Leonardo, and with full concentration, I started painting a landscape and was occupied for a while. After some time, my sister wanted to know why I was painting the sand with “Burnt Sienna”. Now I was lost. Who is this Siena?? And why was she burnt?? And why would my painting of a landscape remind my sister of someone burning??? Apparently she was talking bout the paint’s shade!! Duh!! How was I supposed to know right??? I resumed ignoring my sister, while she was cribbing bout some bad luck with me.

That wasn’t going to shake my determination. I spent the next one hour trying to decipher the weird names for the shades. And at the end of it I was no better. I still didn’t know if sea was supposed to be Prussian or Russian or Persian blue. I looked around to seek help and found that I was abandoned by my dear sister. Encouraged by lack of watchful eyes, I swished and splashed around with colors. Just when I thought my talents were getting somewhere i heard someone scream around me. THUD!!! I dropped my paints!!! My mom was “shocked” at the fact that I was attempting to paint and expressed it quite well with her high-pitched-paint-droppable scream. I turned back to give her a piece of my mind when she took one good look at me and didn’t stop laughing. Promptly my missing sister barged in along with her friend and joined my mother. I had poured quite a bit of the paint on my hair... and I must accept I looked like Gothika III trailer nomination results. Though why that evoked laughter from my family member is beyond me. I always knew they were a class apart. I just confirmed they were a weird class apart. What next?? Well, i spent the next one hour trying to get the paint off my head. Grrrrrrr....

But that still did not budge my flow of talents. And I completed a picture of ........ err..... something.... maybe you can see the picture and tell me what it is?!?! My family refuses to help describe it. (i told you.. I have a helpful family). Expect more on my hidden talents to jump out here. And ppl no biddin pls... am not selling my work of art!!!

Anyone for Coffee?

Carefully hidden. Amazingly calm. Blissfully green. Thankfully quite. Testimonial to cups and cups of Hot South Indian Coffee, Coffee? is closing down!!! The first ever coffee shop in Chennai, Coffee has withstood the test of time and given us a taste of coffee that we measure up to wherever we go. Who would’ve thought that this small shop with countable seating capacity will grow to be the one of the major hangout spots for South Chennai’s crowd! Secluded amidst one of the very few places in Chennai which can boast of being quite and peaceful, Coffee? has been serving coffee enthusiasts their very exclusive traditional South Indian Fare time and again. The melt in the mouth Cheese pizzas, Panner Balls, crunchy Popcorn, chilled out Frappe, silent breeze and the smell of freshly brewed coffee.... nothing beats the combination. Add the sounds of you and your friends laughing for inane things. And that’s when you already start missing Coffee?

On a personal note, Coffee? has seen me and a very few very close friends of mine in various states. Happy, sad, angry, bloody angry, bored, jobless, tired, enthusiastic, crazy, bitchy,... what not?!? Coffee? has seen us cry, it has seen us being plain crazy, and it has seen us laugh till we could laugh no more and now we’re going to see it go. Coffee? was the first choice after a tired day’s work and the last choice during any unscheduled meet up. Coffee? was what consoled us we found the world against us. Coffee? was the place for reunions and the place for separations. The extended home that we grew to love. And even though no other place will come even remotely close to the ambiance and warmth that comes with coffee, we shall have to start scouting for another joint.

This is a tribute to the place which has carried us through thick and thin. The place of thousand memories. Memories which will remain so richly etched in our minds. Forever....

Now the hunt begins.....

Then, the thunder rambled on and on and on........

The sun raises up lazily, peeks its small head while kissing the sea. The angry sea moves away getting the fierce sun rolling up. The clouds decide not to move and plonk onto the glittering sky. I can see the sun still trying to peek through the clouds. Then, the clouds give way. Thousands of glittering raindrops fall to the earth. Like softly floating dewdrops, they fall. Covering the earth with their mist, they drench everything in sight. The sun remains an elusive small glow behind enormous clouds that give no indication of letting go. I could imagine the rain gods dancing, while pouring the water down on earth. I rush to the terrace to catch a glimpse of this beautiful weather. Instead I catch a glimpse of a poor man, half clothed and shivering, with a tea cup in hand. He doesn’t seem to realize that his hot tea is being adulterated by the huge drops of rain falling from his broken dirty umbrella. He just sat there and kept sipping his watery tea. And then I realized. He dint seem to not notice. He chooses not to notice it. A throng of school boys who were trying to wade their way through a puddle danced at the prospect of not having to explain at home why they got back dripping wet. A group of pigeons sat on top of the next building, cuddled together, and one could see only when they moved, that they were trying to protect their young ones from the harsh cold weather. All around one could see a sea of black, blue, and white dots dancing away. They seemed to be following some sort of a pattern. I realize, it’s the pattern drawn by the users of those umbrellas. The trees looked greener, and the roads looks muddier, the sky looked grey and I wished I could fly far far away….. I would love to go out in this shimmering rain, jiggle a leg, go back home, change into warm, just ironed clothes, eat hot hot sambar vadai. I cant help thinking a nice warm mug of chocolate would also go down well. Actually all one would want rite now is just a plate of vetta kozhambu sadam with vendakai and potato roast. (slurp slurp) and snuggle into a warm cozy bed and cuddle up (with pillows only) and drift into dreamland.
And now having successfully taken your mind off work, I shall quietly go have a cup of warm tea, put my feet up (literally) and do some work.
Adios

Careless Whispers in the Wind.......

This is actually a rip off from something i read somewher, but it inspired me to do this stil. As a first time blogger with absolutely no experience in writing, pls put up with my writing. And oh, do leave you comments.

Names without Lines, Memories without borders....
Every single person who has entered my life has made a difference. Good or Bad. and its amazing how each of them can kindle a special memory in your heart everytime you think of them. Like a song thats special and has meanings only you and your heart can decipher.
I have attempted to chalk out the various people who have walked thru my life and ensured it made a mark. I may have not done full justice, but like i said, pardon me, its my first blog!
try and figure out which of this is you!!!!!!! :)


A) I understand you so well that it surprises me every time. You are so unlike any normal guy I know and am soooo proud I know you. You are very special and all you have to do is think of me and I’ll be there for you. You may be years older than me. However, I feel like protecting you from this big bad world. You deserve soooo much more than what you might want and I shall be here ensuring that you do get it. I may meet you after ages but I still feel like I know wats been happening with you. I love your suprises and I love your concern. Never change and keep smiling or be rest assured I’ll blaze the earth to put that smile back on you

B) Certain people have the effect of making your day better by just being there. You are one! Of course, its completely different thing that you can be the grumpiest grouch ever ;) You’re mistaken for a lotta things most of the time. But luckily, people who know you really well know who you really are. You are caring, charming, goofy, moody, talented, sensitive, and sweet. So irrespective of what you think people may think of you, don ever change. Hard outside, soft inside, you are extremely sensitive and that makes everyone around you wanna protect you. Thanks for being you. Love you

C) Known you the longest of all my best friends, and know you the best of all my friends. I know every single thing bout you that most people wont and am so proud of it. Been there for you helping you keep up your spirits and your ambition when everybody else was letting you down. Been there when you had girlfriends, broke up, cribbed bout being single, cribbed bout your family, got another girlfriend, and went on and on and on. And in al this, I never fluttered wit my love for you. You are definitely special to me and I’ll ensure I remain so. The only one who has stayed with you the longest and never hurt you even once (as quoted by you :)). Yes am proud of it, just as how I’m very proud of you.

D) Lol…. Am definitely one special girl in your life. (I can almost hear you puking) but I know I am. Cant think of a lotta girls who have known you as long as I do. A hunk in all respects, except when you open your mouth. Its amazing how I never feel outta place with you. Its amazing how I never feel like I need to look good or act well around you. Its amazing how I’m just me when with you. You’ll accept me the way I am. And irrespective of how much you crib bout me and how much you avoid me, and how much you hate me and how much you can’t stand me, trust me… u’ll miss me when I’m gone ( if I’m ever gone tat is). And yes, irrespective of what you think, I am a women, even thought you’ll never treat me like one ;)

E) Ideal example for looks can be deceiving. Intelligent, patient, understanding, you define what a “friend” means. You can carry a thousands secrets with you and people around will never know it. And with the weight of the whole world on you, you’ll still bring a cheer onto other’s life. You deserve the best and only the best and you’ll reach great heights. And you’ll still hold out your hand for people around you when you’re there. Irrespective of the time and distance, you keep in touch. You know exactly what to say, when to whom and how to say it. You do not say politically correct things, you just speak your heart. And that is why your special. And when you wanna spit out a secret, you know wher to look rite?!?!?

F) The person who has influenced me the most. You were there at a time when I thought I really dint need anyone else. And you were there when I really dint have anyone. Its another fact that you dumped me when I wanted you the most. But thank god I grew outta that. I’ve been replaced and am glad you’re happier now. You have been the best friend ever, and been the worst person too. We have been through sooo much that I doubt if anyone else will know me as much as you do. Or should I say I wont know anyone else as much as I know you. I may find a million men, but I’ll never find a friend like you. Am so glad things stayed good between us. And am gonna bug you for the rest of your life, so stop praying I’ll vanish.

G) Assertive, perky, hyper, quick to anger, quick to cool down, quick to cry, and even quicker in making one smile. You are the best friend anyone can get. And I’m glad and lucky I knew you before college. Four years would have definitely not passed if I dint have you to survive. Older than me, you definitely behave like a kid still (I know you hate anyone saying that). You are very level headed and you believe in dreams you trust people with your heart and still believe in love and all this makes you unique. thanks for being there. Love you

H) A reflection of me, my partner in crime, almost my sister, my guide, my mentor what not? I’ll put plans to meet up almost every week and it’ll never happen. I’ll plan on calling you everyday, again I don do it. But ironically whenever anything happens you are the first one who comes to know, and I know it’s the same there. Irrespective of how many people come and go, you will remain that most special person you are. And irrespective of the time, distance etc, your mood definitely affects mine. and beware, no one can stop me from coming and plonking my ass on your house after your married and gone too.

I) You are certainly the only person who got into my close circle this fast. I’m quite slow in accepting people. But I dint even bother thinking when you walked into my life. Extremely methodological, its amazing how you even put up with me. My day doesn’t pass if I don talk to you atleast once. And amazingly I’ll open up to you quite easily. Not many people can boast of knowing what all happens in my day everyday. You can. Smart, open, frank, absolutely no one else can get away with the comments you make bout me. Cos am not gonna let anyone else get that specialto me. You are special. Extremely special. And I wont let anyone treat you any other way

J) Technically, I’ve known you the longest. Somehow, I missed knowing you in the years in between. Dunno if it was for the good or bad. But I do know that, in the time I spent wit you, you have left quite a deep footprint. ;) A typical representative of your sun sign. You'll never let me know the cause of the creases on your forehead. You can irritate me with you mood swings, you can annoy me by tripping on me badly, you can be as insensitive as a rock, and can still mean the world to me. You are the only one who can take me to heights, drop me in a second, and (hopefully) hold me when I fall. Thanks for being there when I needed you. Thanks for putting sense into my head Thanks for putting up with me no matter what I said when, wher and how. I know am special. And I would love to remain so. And be there irrespective of the various people who can move in and out of your life !!!


There are definetly more people who have made a difference. But these are definetely in the top 10. If you do know which alphabet is you, leave a comment :)